The Rooms

Chapter 8

Later that night I called my children. I wanted to start an ongoing relationship with them again by making contact with them everyday. I told them I would pick them up in the morning and we would do a lot of special things. I also told them I missed them and that I loved them.

After speaking with them, Mark got on the phone. We agreed on a time that I could pick up the children and when I would bring them back. He wanted to meet me during the week. We had a lot to discuss he said, and I agreed that we did. There was a moment of silence on the phone. He said goodnight and that was the end of our conversation. I had agreed to meet him in his office, or what had been our office, Wednesday of the following week. I wanted my children and I didn’t know what Mark’s plans were. This was something that we’d have to work out.

I was sitting in the living room staring out into the city when Charlie came in from the library.

"I just got off the phone with the designer that I often use. Everything will be ready by the time you come back tomorrow with the children," she said.

I smiled and walking over to her. "You didn’t have to do that Charlie, but I’m really touched that you did." I leaned over and kissed her lightly on the lips and then I walked over to the window again.

She followed me. Leaning on the windowsill, she looked at me. "What’s wrong?"

I couldn’t really put into words what I was feeling. I knew Mark well enough to know that he meant what he said. He would fight for me. If he were to find out about Charlie and me, I would never have access to the children. I was beginning to think and as things stood now, they wouldn’t even care, not yet anyway.

"Mark wants me back," I said simply. "We are meeting on Wednesday to discuss the children. I must be careful Charlie. I know him. If he were to suspect about us he would make it impossible for me to get my children."

She took me in her arms. "That will never happen, I promise you." She kissed my temple and held me close. "I promise you, you won’t lose them," she said it with such conviction that I believed her. I wanted to believe her.

We agreed that I would go and pick up Ashley and Josh on my own. A chauffeured Rolls Royce drove me there. Sarah asked me in and offered me coffee. I refused. She was being polite and I didn’t see the point in making things worse between us. I must admit now to my shame that at the time I also thought that if Sarah had little contact with me and she didn’t consider me a threat she would help my cause without even realizing it. Perhaps she would help me with Mark. She might help convince him to share custody of the children with me. That way she, and especially Mark, would see less of me. And of course she would have more of him. Mark was not there that morning. An unexpected early business meeting had called him away.

The children loved riding in the car. They found every gadget in it fascinating. We went to the Bronx Zoo, had lunch in a wonderful little Italian restaurant and went to the movies. There was a new sci-fi film that they were dying to go see.

It had been a perfect day. We headed for the Tower and when we got there, they were in awe of the place as I had been. When we got off the elevator they walked in slowly, staring at everything.

All of a sudden, Charlie walked in. She rushed in like a summer breeze. Immediately her enthusiasm won them over. They liked her. She never ceased to amaze me. She talked to them so easily. She walked us all to their rooms.

Josh walked into what seemed like a barn. It was amazing. The bed was made of logs and the murals on the walls were incredible with horses and streams. He had the latest video games. There was a TV, a CD system and a model of a train station with trains, towns and small lights. Smoke even came out of the engine. It was incredible and he was ecstatic.

Ashley’s room was like walking into a fairy tale kingdom. The walls were delicately painted in pastels with castles and knights on horseback painted on them. The bed was carved to look like a swan. Lace and silk were to be my daughter’s sheets. The most beautiful dolls I have ever seen were everywhere. And on the far corner was a white baby grand piano. Ashley was speechless.

Charlie and I walked back to the living room together. The children stayed exploring the wonders of their rooms.

"How did you manage to do this in one day?" I asked in sheer astonishment.

"Because I wanted to. Because I knew it would make you happy." Then she continued, "And well, are you happy?" I didn’t have to say anything she knew I was happy.

I prepared the kids’ baths, helped them with their pajamas, gave them warm milk and put them to bed. That day, I can now honestly say, I was completely and truly really happy.

********

My room and Charlie’s room were connected by a door. I was changing when she through that door. She walked to the door that led to the hallway and locked it. "I wanted to kiss you goodnight, without any surprises," she said and I kissed her.

Our kisses always resulted in combustible passion. One kiss was never enough for Charlie and I needed her so much then. Her mouth found its way down my neck and her hands knew just how to touch me. Within a few moments, my negligee was hanging from my waist. My breasts were completely exposed and my body was surrendering to pleasure. We were interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Mommy? Mommy?" It was Josh.

The realization of what I was doing was like a bucket of cold water at that moment. I quickly covered my nakedness and shame was written all over my face. "I’m coming sweetheart." I looked at Charlie at which time she turned around and walked out of my bedroom and into hers. I rushed to the door and let Josh in. "What is it sweetheart?" I asked.

He looked a little embarrassed but finally said, "Can you stay with me a little till I fall asleep?" I smiled and walked with him back to his room. I laid down next to my child and he fell asleep in my arms that night.

About an hour later I went back to my room after checking in on Ashley. She was sound asleep. I went to bed and I laid there looking at the ceiling, making plans of things I would do with them. I would let nothing stand between my having them with me. I couldn’t bear to lose them, not again. I couldn’t loose them too.

While I was deep in these thoughts I heard the connecting door between Charlie’s room and mine open. Charlie came to me and found me with my eyes closed. She stood close to my bed for awhile and then just as quickly walked out of my room and into hers. When she left I looked at the closed door behind her. I felt myself spinning out of control and I was afraid. When you are afraid, the road is no longer clear.

********

We all had breakfast together and planned to go explore some of the city. It was incredible to me how things looked through the eyes of those two precious little people. Everything seemed so wonderful to them. The park, the streets and just sitting on a bench feeding the pigeons seemed so important.

We spent a wonderful day and had already planned what we would do the following weekend. But, as the late afternoon arrived, I started feeling melancholy. Soon I would have to take them back. It would be days before I could see them again. Charlie took my hand and squeezed it in understanding. She invited us all to this place that according to her made the best ice cream in the world. Later that night, we drove the children home.

The ride back to Manhattan took place in silence. We arrived back around 9pm. When the elevator door to our floor opened, I walked in and immediately saw my mother standing there in the middle of the room. She held her open arms out to me and I ran into her embrace. "Mom! Oh, mom!" And that was all I could say.

Charlie had spoken to her when she had called before, when I was with the children, and it was Charlie who had given her the address and invited her to stay as well. We talked for hours. She looked so frail. She didn’t look so tough now. Her eyes said the things she would not allow herself to say. My mother looked old. She asked what my plans were. She knew about Mark and Sarah.

I told her I was supposed to see him in a few days and that we would try to make more permanent arrangements. "

You and Mark were always so in love," she said reminiscently. "I know he still loves you," she added.

Charlie was sitting on a stool having a drink in the bar on one side of the room. She kept looking into her glass but I knew she was listening to every word.

"Mom, I--" she interrupted me.

"Sarah is nice enough, but you are still his wife and the children should be with both of you." I remained silent. "There is nothing more important than a father and a mother to a child," she finished saying.

"But mother, things are different now…" I could not finish the sentence.

"Yes I know, Sarah. But he loves you! " She said.

"But I don’t love him!" I got up and walked to the window. I felt Charlie’s eyes on me. I knew she was waiting, and I could almost see her unreadable expression burning holes on my back, waiting to hear what I would say or not say.

Mother was standing next to me, also silent. She looked at me and started to speak very gently. "Mark was lost in grief. The children kept him going. When he met Sarah, I didn’t judge him. He was lonely. When he brought her to meet me one weekend with the children he said to me that he loved her as much as he was capable but that you would always be in his heart."

I closed my eyes and tears rolled down my cheek. "Don’t cry Laura, I know he still loves you." She didn’t understand. She wouldn’t understand. And I didn’t tell her. I felt when Charlie walked out of the room. She did not come to my bed that night and I did not look for her. When I woke up, I found a note on the pillow next to mine. It simply said -- I’ll see you for dinner. C.

Mother and I had breakfast together. We spoke about dad and his passing away. She wanted me to come and stay with her until I decided what I’d do. "I’m going to be here with Charlie for now." I couldn’t look at her in the eye. "I’m closer to the children here mom," I said to her. I knew she wanted to have me close.

"Will you come and spend some time with me?" she asked.

I hugged her and said. "Of course mom, I want to be with you too. I…I just have to settle this thing with Mark, and of course there’s Charlie--"

"What about Charlie?" She interrupted. "I’m sure she understands that you have to put your life back together again."

I got up and tried to explain away what had escaped my lips. "She has problems too mom. We were together for what seemed like a lifetime, dependent on each other for our own sanity sometimes." I continued. Somehow I had to make her understand without her really understanding. "I just can’t walk away like that and neither can she. We depend on each other because no one understands what it was like. We were alone mom, all we had was each other."

"Well you’re not alone anymore," she tried to comfort me. "You have people who need and love you, and we are never going to let you go. We are not going to lose you again, not ever!" She took me in her arms and cried.

Charlie did not come home for dinner. It wasn’t like her just to go off like that. I was the one who seemed to be perfecting that art these days. She only acted like this when she was very upset.

I went to bed but I could not sleep. I kept tossing and turning. I finally decided to get up. I went down to the living room. I was restless. Where was Charlie? I kept asking myself.

In the darkness, I saw her silhouette etched against the glass door that opened to the balcony. She stood on the other side and then she turned and was looking at me through the glass. She came inside, walked past me and went to stand in front of the fireplace. Her back was to me and she was angry. I hated it when she got like this.

I put my hand on her shoulder and turned her to face me. My hand went up to her face and I caressed her. She was going to say something and my finger silenced her tracing her lips. I took a step closer to her. My lips brushed hers and I whispered into her mouth, "I’m sorry" and I kissed her.

Her reaction was almost immediate. Her hands went to rest on my thighs as she was responding to my kiss by pulling me against her. There was a noise from the shadows. We both turned to look and found my mother staring in shock.

I took a step towards her and froze when she took a step away from me. I felt Charlie holding the side of my arms from behind me, keeping me steady. I had begun to shake. "Mom," I said in a low voice.

She started walking slowly towards me but she was looking at Charlie behind me. "You’ve done this to her. What kind of sick game are you playing with my daughter?"

Charlie was silent and mom continued yelling. "You are to blame! My daughter was normal!" She said in disgust.

"Mom don’t, please."

She did not listen as she continued. "She was always weak, just like her father, easily led, easily manipulated. You took advantage of her," she said accusingly.

Charlie was no longer holding my arms. I felt like I was going to be sick as I felt the nausea in my stomach. My mother was looking at me now.

"We are leaving! You are not staying here," she was saying. "Laura, this is not normal. This is not you. Are you so far gone that you don’t see that?" She started to shake me.

I pulled away and turned my back to her. I could hear the tremor in my voice as I spoke. "I’m not leaving mother. I can’t," I said.

There was silence and I turned to look at her. We both stared at each other. Charlie broke the silence. "Mrs. Wallis--" But before she could continue, my mother lashed out at her.

"I don’t want to hear anything from you! You’ve perverted my daughter!" She spat out.

Charlie said nothing and then I spoke. "No mother I was the one that came on to her."

She stared at me. "I don’t believe you," she said in shocked disbelief. "If your father were alive he would know how to handle this. I can’t." As she finished saying that, she sank down on the sofa. "He would never have approved of this. You know that, don’t you Laura?" She was looking up at me now. "What about the children? Do you think that Mark would allow you to have the children if he knew what was going on here?"

She got up and tried again to convince me. "You’re confused. What happened between the two of you doesn’t have to ruin your whole life. Let’s go. He never needs to know, no one ever has to know."

"Mother, I love her," I said to her in barely a whisper.

As I finished saying this I felt her hand strike my face. She was about to strike me again when her hand was stopped midway. Charlie now stood between us. "No more!" She said very quietly through her teeth. She released my mother’s arm but stood between us.

"I wish you had never come back! It would have been better if you had stayed dead!" My mother said this and left the room.

I stood there, staring into the emptiness. The nausea that I had felt before overtook me. "I feel sick Charlie." I felt as if the blood was draining from my face.

Charlie rushed me to the bathroom. I barely got there when I started to vomit. The nausea was so strong that the force of the vomiting was making me tremble. Charlie was on the floor next to me, holding my forehead. She got a hand towel and soaked it in cold water and started wiping my face. Holding me close, we leaned back against the bathroom wall. She stroked my hair and held me while sobs racked my body. She kissed my forehead and then held my chin up so as to look at me and she started kissing the side of my temple and my eyes. I don’t know how long we sat on that floor before Charlie walked me back to our bed. When I woke up in the morning mom had gone.

Chapter 9

Charlie had a house in the Hamptons. She ordered the car and it took us to the airport. We did not discuss the incident with my mother. It was as if it never happened and yet it changed everything. We took a private plane to a small airport. Later that day, we reached the Hamptons. Nothing much was said between us. I wanted to desperately forget it all. I wanted to close my eyes and wish that it had all been a bad dream. Charlie did not pressure me.

The house was on a cliff overlooking the ocean and I could hear the soothing sounds of the surf. I took a wrap and went for a walk. I felt overwhelmed. I needed the fresh air to clear my head. There was so much confusion and pain.

I knew that the reaction I had gotten from my mother was the confrontation I had been dreading. The realities that I did not want to see. My feelings for Charlie were considered an anathema. That’s how they would see us. That’s how my children would see it if they found out. My God, what was I going to do?

The sea air did not help. When I walked back I was as troubled as before. I walked around the house. The majesty of the place was inescapable. The grounds were immaculately kept. Everything was so beautiful; so many flowers. Your eyes were overcome with the beauty all around. There were surprises upon surprises of color combinations, but I noticed there were no roses.

Charlie must have seen me in the gardens and was now walking over to me. I suppose she thought I had been left alone long enough. She put her arm over my shoulder and pulled out a pansy from a pot nearby and gave it to me with a smile. We started walking back to the house.

It was such a beautiful day that Charlie decided we should have dinner out in the verandah. We were having dinner on the verandah overlooking the ocean when an old man in overalls came over to us.

"Hello Miss Charlotte, it’s so nice to have you back," he greeted Charlie.

"Hello Mike, the gardens are perfect as usual," she replied and then continued to eat, ignoring his presence. I had begun to notice that Charlie could be quite insensitive sometimes. Her staff went out of their way to please her and it meant nothing to her. She expected perfection and she usually got it. These people simply did not matter to her so they simply did not exist. It was that simple. She could replace them at any time and not think about it for an instant. Sometimes I had begun to think I really didn’t know her at all.

The old gardener then looked at me. "This is for you, miss." He handed me a beautiful lily. Its color was white with a touch of mauve. It was exquisite. His kindness brought a smile to my face.

"Thank you Mike," I said, as I smelled it and I asked, "Mike, are there any roses? I didn’t see any."

He gave me a big grin. "You like roses, miss?"

"They are my favorite flowers. No color in particular, I love them all."

Charlie was listening intently to our conversation now.

"I’m sorry miss, we don’t have roses. We did have a beautiful rose garden once, but that was many years ago."

When he finished, Charlie spoke. "Mike you just got your rose garden."

We were both looking at her. She had spoken to him but was looking at me. "You managed to get a smile from Miss Laura, that’s worth a rose garden."

I gave her a smile from my heart. Mike gave her a big smile. "That’s wonderful, Miss Charlotte. I’ll get to it right away."

As he rushed off, Charlie called out to him. "And Mike have another greenhouse built. I want to be able to have fresh roses for Miss Laura all year round."

He smiled at me and went off. I looked back at Charlie and met her eyes. I was about to say something when she spoke first. "Let me do this for you. I can’t seem to be able to give you anything that you want. Let me give you the flowers that you love so much." Her hand reached for mine.

My eyes filled with tears and they rolled freely down my face. "No! No! The last I wanted to do was upset you!" She kneeled down next to my chair and took my hands into hers. "If you don’t want the roses then I’ll tell Mike to forget all about it." She started to wipe my tears away.

I stood up and went straight into her embrace. "Oh Charlie, if you only knew how much I love what you’ve just done for me!" I held her tightly and she consoled me with her embrace. Why couldn’t the world just leave us alone? How could I help but love her when she showed such tenderness and love for me. The only sure thing in my life now was that Charlie loved me. That I was sure of.

After dinner we helped Mike find the sight where the rose garden should go. We then went for a drive. It was late spring so the days were long and the sunlight seemed to last forever. Charlie wanted to show me a little of the surrounding areas. Everywhere you looked was beautiful. We saw ostentatious new houses and grand elegant old ones. We stopped in one of the points that overlooked the ocean.

I looked out at the sea and it looked so vast. Surely, in the large scope of things, two people were not that important. Why didn’t we have a right to love each other? No matter how unjust the reality was we would not be accepted. I might loose my children. That was a real possibility. I had already had a horrible confrontation with my mother. I closed my eyes and my head leaned back.

"Let’s go home, you look tired. It’s starting to get dark anyway," Charlie said. We walked back to the car in silence. Charlie drove back to the house and said nothing but held one of my hands.

We walked in silence into the house and upstairs. Charlie opened the door to the bedroom we were to share and turned on the light switch. The light was dim and it gave the room a dreamlike quality. I walked in and was met with cascades of roses. There were roses everywhere. It was like stepping into a dream world, my senses were intoxicated with their sweet perfume.

I looked at Charlie and I went to her. Standing in front of her, I searched her face. I saw in her eyes love -- so much love -- and I embraced it.

She traced my shoulder with her fingers and teased my face with her lips, not quite making the connection. I could feel the warmth of her breath on my skin and I felt myself melting into her body. She kissed my mouth and teased me with the promise of more. Her mouth was trailing down my neck and I could feel my blood burn. All of a sudden my blouse was on the floor and her hands were caressing my breasts. I started to unbutton her blouse. I longed to feel my skin next to hers. Her kisses trailed down my stomach and she undid my slacks and helped me get out of them.

As she started to stand, her hands caressed my thighs upwards. I was burning with desire for her. She removed the rest of her clothes and slowly walked me over to the bed. And as I laid down on it, I felt the coolness of the rose petals all over the sheets. I was consumed with love for her. She laid on top of me and loved me with such gentleness that I was overcome with tears which intermingled later on with those of overwhelming pleasure.

The next morning, we went into town and started to look through the shops. Buying some sunglasses and broad rimmed hats for the beach, we just walked. We ended up in a wonderful restaurant called Basilico. It was decorated in a beautiful blend of sage and cream, with terra-cotta tiles and tall green plants. Everything on the menu sounded wonderful.

"Let me order for you," Charlie requested. "I’ll order a few different things that I know you’ll like." She reached for my hand and squeezed it with a big smile.

"Okay," I said smiling back.

The waiter appeared out of nowhere, as they do in most places when the prices are out of this planet. Charlie ordered an appetizer of mushrooms stuffed with crab meat and Gruyere cheese sprinkled with parsley. Then they brought a Caesar salad and lunch consisted of grilled mahi mahi with a splash of lemon, and linguini alfredo with crab meat on the side. We drank chilled Coronas with a ring of lime. Charlie took the lime and traced the rim of the glass then let it fall into the ice cool beer. It gave it an interesting taste and when combined with the seafood it was intoxicating.

Everything to do with Charlie was different from anything I had ever experienced in my life. The things that most people would never, ever consider important were the things that made her more extraordinary. Like the combination she put together for lunch. Everything about her was bigger than life. She was different and exciting. Everything around her was beautiful and yet, she needed me to make her happy. Someone that had everything, needed me to be happy, and never lost the chance to show me how she felt. Why should it matter that she was a woman? Why should it matter?

But it did. I looked away from her. She had a strength that I did not have. I could lean on her and I knew she would not falter. Charlie was willing to show the world that she loved me. She didn’t seem to care what people would say.

While I acted ashamed, she accepted it all. How could I be so selfish? She was willing to take all of the condemnation and I wouldn’t even acknowledge my love for her. Everyday I felt more ashamed and more guilty. I had told my mother because the choice was taken away from me. She had seen us. I was failing her and she still loved me. I felt her hand in mine and I looked into her eyes.

"What’s wrong?" she asked in almost a whisper. You could hear the concern in her voice and see it in her eyes.

"I’m so sorry Charlie. I don’t deserve you. You don’t ever let me down, while I..." She looked down and I could not see the reaction in her eyes.

"You shouldn’t feel bad for me. Never feel guilty because of me," she said very seriously. She looked up into my eyes again. Her eyes were serene and unreadable. "I will always love you and I’ll never stop loving you." She hesitated for a moment "I want you to forgive me!" She said very seriously. She seemed to be holding her breath for my answer.

"Charlie, I have nothing to forgive you. All you’ve ever shown me is how much you love me."

But she was not satisfied and asked again. "I want you to forgive me!" It seemed to matter to her so very much, as if she had ever done anything to hurt me. She was the only person that had ever loved me unconditionally. Only daddy had loved me like that. Thank God, now there was Charlie.

I would have forgiven her anything and I told her as much. "I would forgive you anything Charlie. I will love you till the day I die." My answer seemed to have the desired affect. And once again the clouds were gone from her eyes. She asked for the check and we went back to the house.

The first thing we saw when we got to the house was a 1935 candy red Dussenberg. It was the most incredible car I had ever seen. As soon as we saw it Charlie said, "Lyle must be here. It’s just like him."

We went in and I found myself looking at a man in a clown outfit. As soon as he saw us he opened his arms and went to embrace Charlie. "Lyle, whatever are you dressed up for?" She wasn’t amused. I was trying not to crack up with laughter.

"Was I suppose to be at my best behavior for your new friend in tow?"

Charlie looked like she was going to strike him. As soon as he realized that he was not being amusing, his attitude changed immediately but Charlie spoke before he could open his mouth. "You’ve gone too far Lyle!" She said menacingly.

He broke in. "I didn’t realize…" he said to Charlie and then, looking at me, spoke very seriously. "I’m Lyle Crawford and I’m afraid I’ve been a boor. Charlotte is my oldest…my only friend and I’ve offended her. My apologies." He held his hand out to me.

"I’m glad to meet Charlie’s oldest friend. My name is Laura Cole." I said to him.

He looked at Charlie with a mischievous grin. "Charlie???"

She gave him a menacing look. "Don’t even try it Lyle!" She said to him and he broke out in a loud laughter.

When he stopped laughing he looked at Charlie. "I’m impressed," he was saying while again looking at me. "No one would ever dare to call her Charlie. I’m incredibly curious?"

"Behave Lyle or you’re going to be out on your ass," she said. At times it was hard to tell whether they were serious or playing their own private game.

"You’re right, you’re right," he said good-naturedly.

We went out to the verandah and spent a pleasant few hours. Lyle was one of those charming people who would talk a lot but really said nothing. He seemed pleasant enough but there didn’t seem to be anything behind the exterior. I couldn’t understand this so-called friendship with Charlie. But then again, there were a lot of things I didn’t know about Charlie then.

Lyle invited us to go on his new yacht, which he had called Christabel. "She is the most beautiful boat I’ve ever had. ‘Beneath the lamp the lady bowed, and slowly rolled her eyes around; the drawing in her breath aloud, like one that shuddered, she unbound....The cincture from beneath her breast:....her silk robe, and inner vest, dropped to her feet, and full in view, ....Behold! Her bosom and half her side----- A sight to dream of, not to tell! Oh shield her! Shield sweet Christabel!!’" He recited. I stared in amazement. Charlie just looked furious. "That was a poem by Samuel Taylor Coleridge." He smiled. He was going to put her in the water the next day and was insisting on our going on the Christabel on her virgin voyage.

I had to meet Mark to discuss the children the next day. It seemed that Charlie was looking forward to going but she spoke before I did. "Take her out on Thursday and we’ll go with you!" She was looking at him and was waiting for an answer.

Lyle was about to say something, then decided against it. He looked at me then back at Charlie and said, "If that’s the way you want it," and it was settled.

*********

We got into Manhattan the next morning in plenty of time for my lunch meeting with Mark. Charlie dropped me off at Mark’s office just outside the city. She was heading for Elizabeth Arden and we were supposed to get together for dinner and a play later that day.

Walking into the building was like walking back in time. Nothing had changed. I went into the elevator and pressed the 12th floor like I had done so many times before. Before my life turned upside down, that is.

I got to the front door, turned the knob and walked in. Inside, everything was different. The business must be doing very well. Everything was redecorated and it promoted the allure of wealth and power.

I was met by a tall, blonde, immaculately dressed receptionist. "May I help you?" she asked politely.

"I have an appointment with Mr. Cole," I said.

"Your name, please?" She asked walking over to her desk and looking at her appointment book.

"I’m Laura Cole."

She looked up immediately. "I’ll tell him you’re here," she said and went into Mark’s office.

Mark came out before her. "Laura you don’t have to announce yourself. Come in."

The receptionist stepped aside and I walked into his office. I looked around. It had been redone too. Mark must indeed be doing very well. He must have noticed the questioning looks because with a big grin, he said, "We’re doing so well it’s unbelievable."

I looked at him and I was really happy for him. He had worked so hard to build the business. "I’m so glad Mark. You seem to be doing very well indeed."

He guided me to one of the elegant wing backed chairs and he sat opposite from me. "Remember the Weatherbee Account?" He asked.

"Vaguely. It was the account that you had landed before our trip."

He nodded his head. "Yes, it made all the difference. I just met with them a little over a week ago and they have tripled our budget. It’s so big that to service them we really can’t take any more clients for now." He was really excited. I remembered that smile of his. I would always tell him that when he smiled like that he looked like the cat that had swallowed the canary.

"Mark, suppose they lower your budget? If you’re not developing other clients, what would happen then?"

"No Laura, you don’t understand they’re interested in including us in all their other projects." This was a reaction that the Mark I knew would never have thought wise.

"Mark, if this fails you could lose everything!"

He was displeased at my observation. Clearly, looking back on it, he was trying to impress me and I was questioning his judgment. "No, that won’t happen. I’ve been dealing with them and they are a solid commitment." He tried changing the subject. "You look beautiful by the way. I tried calling you but they told me that you were away from the city." It was a statement and a question.

"Charlie had to see to some business at her house in the Hamptons and invited me to accompany her," I said looking away from him.

"I see. I know that you call Josh and Ashley everyday. They enjoyed being with you. All they could talk about was their rooms in their mommy’s house." He said looking at me, expecting me to elaborate. When I didn’t, he asked right out. "What’s going on Laura? You show up in a chauffeur driven Rolls Royce, you’re living in Trump Towers and the rooms that the kids describe are rooms out of a kid’s dream book." He was waiting for an answer.

"Charlie has offered to let me live with her as long as I want or permanently. We became very close. Depending on each other to survive does that to you. It’s difficult being back after all the time that’s past. We need each other." As I said this, I could not look Mark in the eye.

"Of course, you’re right. But you’re back and we want you. I want you."

"Mark, you are not exactly free. Or have you forgotten. What about Sarah? Are you just going to say ‘so sorry Sarah, but please go now’? Your life is not uncomplicated either." I finished saying. I walked to the window with my back to him.

"Yes, but I’m going to tell her."

I turned to face him. "No, I…it doesn’t change the fact that you and I are not…" I couldn’t finish.

"Are not what?" he asked. He was now holding me by the sides of my arms and looking down into my eyes. He pulled me closer to him and his mouth came down on mine. His lips were warm and familiar.

Without warning the receptionist walked in. She stopped dead on her tracks. Mark turned around and was visibly angry. "Don’t ever come in without knocking when my wife is here!" He said to her.

She was as much surprised by the reaction as by the statement. She apologized and walked out immediately.

I turned toward the window. "I’ll be over to pick up the children again on Saturday morning around 10, if that’s okay with you?" I turned walked over to the chair to pick up my purse so as to leave.

"Wait," he said reaching out to stop my departure. He was holding my arm and turned me to face him. "I wanted to talk about us," he said very softly.

"Mark, there is no us." I said in a whisper.

"No....don’t say that. There will always be us." He tried pulling me back into his arms again.

I held him away from me. "Mark, I want the children. I need my children, Mark." I said to him and it was like a splash of cold water.

He released me and walked over to his desk with his back to me. "No," he said flatly.

"I need them. You don’t know what it’s been like without them." I pleaded.

"What about me Laura? What about me!" He was upset. He turned to face me now. "You think you can just come back and take them?" His reaction caught me by surprise.

"I don’t want to take them from you Mark, I want to share them. I need them too."

He pushed his fingers through his hair in exasperation. "No," he said flatly.

"Mark, I have the right to my children."

He was very angry now. "How do you intend to support them? Where would they live? Where would they go to school? Do you know if they would want to live with you?" He had the upper hand and he knew it. "Do you think a judge would give you custody of our children?"

I felt battered. I sat down in the chair closest to me. I was unable to speak. All I did was look at my lap. He walked over to me, knelt down in front of me and took my hands in his. "You belong with me…with us."

I pulled my hands away from his, got up and walked towards the door. Facing the door, I asked before walking out. "I would like to spend the weekend with them. May I pick them up…please?" After a moments silence I heard a very low "Yes" and I walked out and closed the door behind me.

It had gone all wrong. It wasn’t supposed to have been this way. I walked out of the office quickly and as I walked out into the public hallway I heard the receptionist say. "Good bye Mrs. Cole."

I needed some air. I walked out of the building and just started walking. Dear God, what would I do? Mark was right, what judge would give me my children under the circumstances? They hadn’t even been living with me for the past two years. They hardly remembered me. No, a judge would probably deem it best for them to stay with their father. And if they were to find out about Charlie, there would be the shame. How would the children deal with that? Did I want them to?

I came back to reality when someone pulled me back hard when a car sped by me. "You should be more careful Ms Cole, and you should look both ways before you cross the street."

I was shaken with fright. I nodded and he smiled and walked away. I started to cross the street again and realized that the man had called me by name. I turned around and he was gone. I hadn’t recognized him. But if it had not been for him I would surely have been killed by that car.

I was more careful crossing and when I got to the other side, I hailed down a cab. It took over forty minutes to get back to Manhattan. The traffic was awful. I got off a few blocks before the Tower. I wanted to clear my head and walking might help. Charlie wouldn’t be there yet. I needed to think. I wasn’t sure of anything anymore.

I walked slowly, mixing into the crowd. I wished it would swallow me up and take away all this doubt and uncertainty. After a few blocks I went into a coffee shop. I sat there, next to the window looking out. I wondered where the people that passed by were going. I couldn’t imagine anyone else being in such a mess as the one I found myself in. But then, maybe they were looking at me and thinking the same thing.

I sat there for a long time. I felt like I was floating in a daze. I paid for the coffee and started walking to the Tower. My body felt lethargic and I walked very slowly. I got to our floor and walked into the foyer. Almost as soon as I walked in I was looking into Charlie’s anxious eyes.

"What happened? I’ve been pacing in this apartment for the past two hours." She was looking at me and I just stood there in a daze.

I sat down very slowly and closed my eyes for a moment. She stood next to me and said nothing. I felt her hand on my shoulder and I put my cheek on it. I looked up at her. "The meeting with Mark was horrible," I said wearily. I took a deep breath and started walking to our bedroom. "Charlie, I really don’t feel like going out tonight. Would you mind if we just stayed in?"

She looked intensely at me and nodded. I turned and walked into the bathroom so I could take a long bath. I stayed in the hot water forever. I heard Charlie come in. She was leaning on the door. "I was afraid you might fall asleep in the tub," she said to me.

I gave her a half smile and looked at her through weary eyes. I started to get out of the tub and she walked towards me with a robe. She held it for me and I slipped into it. As she helped me to put it on she pulled me to her. "What happened?" she asked me softly.

I turned into her arms and she held me tight. "Oh Charlie, it was awful…" I walked away from her and she followed me into the bedroom. "He was so angry. He wouldn’t agree to joint custody of the children." I took a deep breath and continued. "He wants us to work things out. He says that no judge would give me custody in view of the circumstances, and Charlie, he’s right and that’s not even knowing about us." I finished saying and I sat on a chair pulled my legs up under my chin.

There was a light tap on the door and Charlie said, "Come in."

The maid came in and said that there was a call for me if I wanted to take it. I looked at Charlie and back at Roxanne and asked, "Who is it, Roxanne?"

She looked at me and said. "It’s your mother Miss."

I was surprised but I got up, walked over to the phone and picked up the extension right away. "Mom?"

"Laura…I…would like to see you. I didn’t mean that horrible thing I said to you about being better dead."

I could hear her crying on the phone and I started to cry too. "I know that mom, I know."

She stopped crying and started talking again. "I want to see you. You’re my only child. Can I come see you?"

It sounded like she was begging. I let out a big sob. "Oh mom, I will always want to see you."

"I’m coming back to New York next week. When I get there, I’ll call you and we can talk," she finished saying.

"Yes mom, that sounds fine." I heard a sound of relief.

"I love you Laura," she said.

"I love you too mom," and she hung up. I put down the receiver and covered my face and started to cry uncontrollably. I felt emotionally drained. I felt Charlie’s arms around me and continued to cry in her arms until I fell asleep.

Chapter 10

I woke up early the next morning. Charlie was still asleep next to me. Her face looked so different when she was asleep. I had never really noticed before. And as I was gazing at her, her eyes opened. I caressed her cheek and said, "Your face looks so peaceful when you’re asleep."

I ran my hand over her hair. She was saying nothing so my eyes went back to her face.

"We told Lyle we would go out with him on his new yacht today. Are you up to it?" she asked.

I did not want to disappoint her and I gave her a smile and said, "Yes, let’s go."

She smiled, gave me a kiss and jumped out of bed. It never ceased to amaze me how comfortable Charlie was with her body. She was walking around completely nude, stuffing clothes into a small bag for the trip. She stopped and turned to me. "Get up, you lazy head or we’ll never get out of here." Then she asked, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I was thinking how beautiful you are," I answered her lazily.

She let the bag fall to the floor and the trip was forgotten. We stayed in bed all morning, and left for the Hamptons after lunch.

We landed in East Hampton Airport around three in the afternoon. We went straight to the dock.

Lyle was furious. "I waited till today because of you!" He barked at Charlie as soon as he saw her.

"Oh Lyle, put a cork in it. Like you’ve never left me waiting before." She was helping me to get on board. "Remember that time in LA when you asked me to fly out there because you were in trouble? You flew to London and just forgot to leave a message?"

I was on deck. She turned to face him, at which time he broke into laughter. "Okay, okay! I’ve apologized to you for that at least one hundred times," he finished saying, still laughing his head off.

"Yeah, well, I still remember the sunburn I got there!" She started to laugh too.

"Hello Laura," he now said looking me over. He kissed me on the cheek a little too long and looked at Charlie. She didn’t seem pleased. "This way ladies, I’ll show you around." The yacht was gorgeous. It was immense. We put out to sea within minutes.

I started getting a little nervous and looked at Charlie. "Don’t worry," she assured me, putting her hand in mine. "We’re only going out a few miles and we’ll stay close to the shoreline." I showed a smile of relief. "I have to talk to Lyle for a moment, I’ll be right back." and she walked toward the back of the boat where he was.

The wind felt good on my face. The coastline was so beautiful from here. I turned towards where they were and it seemed that they were having some kind of argument. It was very heated, Lyle was yelling and Charlie threw her hands up in the air and walked away towards me. You could tell that she was furious. When she reached me she said nothing and just stood beside me looking out to sea.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

She turned to face me. "Never go with Lyle anywhere alone!" She was very serious.

I just looked at her curiously. "Why would I--"

She interrupted, "Promise," she insisted. She was very serious about this.

"Okay, I promise." I said to her.

"Lyle is a part of the life I used to have. I want a new and different life with you."

I was surprised at this and I realized that something that I was not privy to was going on. She took a step towards me and brushed my cheek with her lips. Then her mouth found mine and proceeded to give me a passionate kiss. I saw Lyle walking towards us with a grin on his face and I pulled away from her. She saw my expression and turned.

"Well, well, it’s going to be a wonderful summer after all." I didn’t understand what he was trying to say but Charlie must have because she gave him a murderous look. "It’s only a game, CHARLIE!" He emphasized my name for her.

"Don’t play this game, Lyle. You won’t win!" I was obviously in the middle of some power game between them.

"Don’t think so?" He asked sarcastically.

"Don’t push me against a wall because I won’t hold back," she said to him in a menacing voice.

They just stood facing each other for a moment. Lyle caved in. "Okay, if things change I’ll be waiting as always," he said with a smile and walked away.

"Charlie, what the hell is going on here?" I asked.

"Old business that I just finished." As I was about to ask more questions, she changed the subject. "How about if we go dancing tonight?"

I didn’t know what to say. It was a plain enough question. But then again our situation was not at all plain. I hesitated. "Charlie, where can we go?"

She turned to look at the ocean again. "There’s a place at East Gate Road, where we would not look out of place." I wasn’t ready for this and I remained silent. She was looking at me now. "Are we going to hide forever? Why are you so ashamed to be seen with me?" She was clearly very upset.

"I’m here with you now!" I responded.

"Sure you are," she said and looked away again before continuing. "Here, safe from prying eyes. You jumped away from me when you thought Lyle was looking."

What could I say to her? She was right. "I need time," I told her softly.

"TIME? How much time? A WEEK? A MONTH? A YEAR? MAYBE TWO? How much time?"

I wasn’t ready for this reaction. I just stared at her, I didn’t have an answer. She took in a deep breath and looked away from me. And I stood there not knowing what to say or do. I turned and ran away from her. As soon as I got to the indoor cabin, my hand went to my face and I started to cry. No sooner had I done this then I was turned around and embraced by her.

"I’m sorry…I’m sorry…I…just want you so much! Now that we are back, I’m afraid to lose you. That you won’t need me anymore." Her voice was filled with such sadness.

"No," I touched her face. " I’m the one that is sorry Charlie. We’ll go dancing tonight just like you wanted to."

She held my face up by the chin, smiled and kissed me. I went into her arms again and whispered, "Be patient with me Charlie, please."

There were no more scenes for the rest of our outing. My nerves were raw. So much was happening. I wasn’t taking it in fast enough. I felt like I was on a crash course to disaster. But I was committed to try that night.

We got to the nightclub at almost midnight. Charlie was leading me by the hand through the crowd. I kept looking around. I felt exposed, uncomfortable. There were many couples like us, as Charlie put it. They were dancing very provocatively. The music was so loud. It was smoky and dark in some places. I saw two women in a deep embrace.

I started to feel the panic rise within me begin. Charlie waved to a few people from a distance. I tried to hide my face. We got to the dance floor and Charlie started to dance in front of me. I just stood there, not knowing exactly what to do. I started looking around me.

Then a slow song came on. Charlie took me in her arms and started swaying with me. She was rubbing against me provocatively, her cheek was next to mine. And for a moment, I closed my eyes and I could smell her hair. Her body was exciting me. And when I opened my eyes, the reality of where I was hit me. I tried pulling away. She held me tightly. We were looking into each other’s eyes. Her eyes were as cold as ice. Charlie kissed me on the mouth passionately. I felt every eye on me. She held me tighter and I felt her hand slide down my thigh and rest on my lower back.

The panic inside me took over. I pushed her away and started running through the crowd. I had to get out of there. I couldn’t breath. When I got out to the street I started looking around. What was I doing here? Where was I going to go? I was totally disoriented.

Then I heard Charlie’s voice behind me. "Let’s go home," she said very softly and calmly. Ever so calmly, like you would talk to an animal trying not to spook him. So you could rein him in. That’s just how I felt. Trapped. Caged in. And she could see it.

She guided me to a cab and we went back to the house. I felt as if I were in some kind of daze. All of a sudden the world was on my shoulders. I was at the edge of a precipice and I was going to fall. I would fall and die. We got to the house in silence. And in silence we went to bed.

*********

When I woke up the next morning, Charlie was already out of bed. I could hear the shower running. How was I going to deal with today? Last night had been so horrible. She was willing to go to those places to be with me and I had run from there, from her. She had been willing to expose herself to the world to be with me and I had run from her. I wasn’t strong enough. I had betrayed her. She must have been nervous too. But she hadn’t run away, I had.

Tears started rolling down my face. All I ever did lately was cry. My life was out of control. I wiped the tears away from my face when I heard the water turn off in the shower. I was reaching for my robe when Charlie was coming in from the bathroom. I tried stretching my arm to reach it without getting out from under the covers. Charlie went over to the edge of the bed and held it up for me to take. As was our custom, I slept without any clothing. But unlike Charlie, I was uncomfortable with my nudity since returning from the island.

She stood there, holding out the robe with her unreadable gaze. I couldn’t move, I just looked down. She came over to the edge of the bed and stood over me. I did not want to look into that blank expression in her eyes. I heard her reach for something in the nightstand. She took my head and pulled it towards her. I could feel her hand caressing my hair. I pressed my face closer to her. Her fingers were running through my hair. I breathed in and her scent went through me like a drug I needed and would die without. I felt her fingers tighten around my hair and pull my head back and my mouth went to meet hers. But she didn’t kiss me. I felt her hold on my hair tighten. She pulled my head back further and further

"Is this the only way I can touch you? Hiding? Always hiding and in the dark?" She was furious. Her eyes were those of a stranger. "You won’t even show yourself to me anymore," she hissed.

"I’m--" but before I could continue she pulled my head back hard and she fell on top of me on the bed.

Within seconds she had pulled my hands over my head and had me handcuffed to the bedpost. Horror, all I could feel was horror.

"Charlie--"

She placed her hand over my mouth. "How much more do you think I can stand? Expecting you to say you’re leaving me. Why can’t you love me like I love you? Do you know how you make me feel?" She was fuming. This was a stranger.

The only noises I could make were muffled cries. "What haven’t I offered you? What? Do you need a better fuck?"

My eyes expressed the shock. I tried tossing to get her off me. But I was held in place by my arms.

"Is that what you want? I can give you that too!"

I could feel the fear running through my veins. She got off me and pulled the sheet between us off. I started to yell, "Charlie, what are you doing?" You could hear the fear in my voice. "Let go of me Charlie! Please! Have you gone crazy?"

She just sat there next to me. Not a word came from her lips and she started to slowly remove her robe. She spread her legs and sat on my stomach as if to ride me. "Charlie, please! You’re scaring me! CHARLIE?" By then I was petrified.

She just kept staring at me. We were just staring at one another. Her hand started touching my body, exciting me. Her mouth was sucking my breast. I could feel myself starting to want her. My body started responding to her touch. She did all this looking at me, without saying a word, with the eyes of a stranger.

Just as quickly as she had gotten on me, she got off. She parted my legs and got between them. "What haven’t I done for you? What are you missing that I can’t give you?" She looked menacing.

"Charlie, I’m sorry--"

"You need a good fuck," she interrupted. Her eyes were like pieces of cold steel.

"Charlie--"

She pulled something from under the pillow and I felt a piercing pain going right through me. I cried out. I felt the trusting pain over and over.

"Well now I’m giving you that too!" She screamed.

My God, what was she doing to me? I tried to twist my body but all I could do was scream in horror.

"I’m fucking you Laura. Are you happy now!"

I kept feeling the thrusts continue. She laid part of her body on me. Her breathing was heavy and the pain wouldn’t stop. "I’ve wanted to fuck you like this for so long baby. I wanted to be the one to break you," she groaned in my ear. Her mouth found the breast closest to it and sucked at the nipple so hard I cried out in more pain. The more I pleaded with her to stop the more it seemed to excite her. I kept crying out in pain, telling her to stop hurting me, until I felt her body shake with orgasm, then the piercing pain stopped.

Charlie rolled off me and I coiled away from her. We were surrounded by a silence broken only by her hard breathing and my whimpering sobs.

I don’t know how much time we just laid there. All I could feel was a sense of detachment. Not believing what had just happened, I chose to feel nothing to say nothing and sink into oblivion. I closed my eyes and it all went dark.

********

My eyes flew open when I felt a pulling of my hands. I could see Charlie above me removing the handcuffs. Once my hands were free my body curled up into a fetal position and my body started shaking with my sobs again. I was hurting. I was hurting so much.

I tried getting up and my knees gave way. I fell to the floor. She was there next to me, helping me up. I pushed her away from me, not saying a word. I tried again, and again I fell to the floor. I started to cry uncontrollably out of pain and frustration. My God, how had I gotten here?

I could feel her hovering over me trying to touch me and not daring to. She fell to her knees in front of me in tears. "I’m sorry…I’m so sorry," she pleaded.

She reached out for me and I pulled away. She began to cry uncontrollably and embraced me. I tried to push her off me, but she wouldn’t let go. "I will die if you leave me! Oh God, I want to die!" She kept repeating. "I’m insane. I’m going crazy at the thought of losing you."

No matter how hard I tried pushing her away she wouldn’t let go. After awhile I stopped trying.

"I love you. You have to believe me, I love you. Forgive me!" She continued to plead. "I don’t know how this happened. I promise you, I will die before I hurt you again. Please believe me? You have to believe me." She was sobbing again. "I’ve never been in love before. I’ve never been in this situation before!"

She had never been in that situation before. Those words registered in my brain. I had put her in this situation. I had placed her in it on the island and I had pushed her into this love affair. I was partly responsible for this insanity.

I felt tired. I was tired of fighting. I tried getting up again. She tried to help me and I let her. I had let this happen. I was to blame. I gave in. She helped me to the bathroom and turned on the shower. We both got in together. She bathed me and patted me dry. I knew this Charlie. Who had just brutally attacked me?

I said nothing. I did nothing. She helped me back to bed saying that it was still early. She tucked me in and laid down next to me. Pulling me into her arms, she caressed my hair and temples with mesmerizing strokes until I fell asleep.

********

The telephone ringing woke us up. Charlie reached over me for the phone. "Hello," she said. "No. I said no! Don’t fuck with me Lyle, or so help me!!" She hung up and looked down into my eyes. There was the Charlie that I knew. I could see her again. I went up to embrace her and held her tight. I wanted to forget what had happened. I wanted to forget that other Charlie; the one that had given me so much pain, the one that had hurt me. It had been a horrible nightmare. But I was awake now and it would be forgotten.

I had thought that everything was pending on my choices. That day I realized that I had very few. The pain started to subside. I told myself she had been under a lot of pressure. I told myself it would never happen again. She loved me. She would never hurt me again.

Later that night we flew back and arrived in Manhattan a little after eight. I felt completely exhausted. I called Mark at home to verify my picking up the kids in the morning. All of a sudden I felt a rush of warm fluid running down my legs. And as if in slow motion I looked down and I saw that my slacks were stained in blood. I felt the room spin. The phone slipped out of my hand and I felt arms from behind me holding me up. I could see Charlie yelling but I couldn’t hear what she was saying. I was numb. It was suddenly very quiet. And I fell into a deep dark abyss.

*********

I swam up through the darkness and when I reached the top I opened my eyes and I didn’t know where I was. I saw Charlie slouched over with her hands in her face. I made a sound and her head immediately flew up. She looked terrible and distraught. She seemed tired and there were black circles under her eyes they were bloodshot. She came to my side and held my hand with both of hers. She sat down next to me and her face went to lie on my hands and sobs shook her body. "I’m sorry…I’m sorry," she kept saying.

I started to look around me. I was in a hospital. What had happened? I looked at Charlie. Her tear-filled eyes were looking into mine. "It’s my fault. I hurt you. Oh God!" She started to cry again. "I love you so much. I’m sorry."

The door to the room opened and a man walked in. It was Doctor Schaefer, the doctor that had examined us when we had gotten off of the island. Charlie immediately got up and turned her back to him. She wiped her face and then turned to face him again.

The doctor looked at her then turned to me. "Hello Ms. Cole. Do you remember me? I’m Doctor Schaefer." His voice was gentle. "Your hemorrhage was due to lacerations to the vaginal wall." He looked at me than at Charlie. He was looking in my direction when he added, "Were you attacked, Ms Cole?" He waited for an answer.

I turned my gaze away and whispered. "No." There was a moment of silence. I looked at him and for a moment I thought I saw a glint of understanding and sympathy.

He cleared his throat. "You must understand that there is only so much damage the human body can take. This…incident is going to leave you with some vaginal scarring. I want you to stay off your feet for a few days, you’ve lost a lot of blood." He pulled a pad out of his pocket and was writing on it. "I’m prescribing some antibiotics. You can go home if you like. I’m counting on you, Charlotte, to see that she stays off her feet." He gave Charlie a censuring look, handed her the slip of paper, and she followed him out into the hallway. I could see them talking. He was shaking his head and she kept insisting about something. He hung his head in defeat as she kept talking. Finally, he looked up and nodded his head. He looked tired and, after saying something to her, he walked away. She came back into the room.

"What were you talking to the doctor about?" I asked, trying to sit.

"He isn’t going to report anything so there won’t be any record. You won’t have to answer any more embarrassing questions," she finished saying. "Let’s go home now" she said tenderly. She helped me to get dressed.

The Rolls was waiting at the hospital door and it took us home. We pulled in front of the Tower and Steven, the chauffeur, opened the door of the car.

"I’m glad you feel better Miss Cole. You gave us all a fright," he said kindly to me. Charlie looked at him as she followed me out of the car. And if looks could kill he would be dead. I had begun to notice that she did not like people speaking to me on a personal level. She seemed to resent anyone that could take my attention from her. He immediately walked around the car, got into it, and drove away. Charlie helped me to the elevator and into our floor.

She was so sorry. There wasn’t anything she didn’t try to do. She got me water, put my feet up, and fluffed the cushions behind me in the couch. I reached for her hand to stop her for a moment. "Charlie, stop. I’m okay," I said gently.

Her eyes filled with tears again and they rolled down her cheeks. She sat next to me and just held me. And as I looked towards her my lips tasted her tears. She helped me into bed.

The next morning I was in no shape to pick up the kids so Charlie had gone to bring them to me. It was noon and they were still not back. I was getting worried. Then I heard the hustle and bustle of the kids. They flew into the room with arms filled with stuffed animals and flowers. I was so happy to see them. I opened my arms and they flew into them.

"Mommy, are you feeling better? Charlie told us you were sick," said Ashley.

"I’ll be fine. I’m so glad to see you!" I said joyfully. I looked at Josh. "I missed you both so much." I gave Charlie a big smile and she smiled back, left the room closing the door behind her.

We spent the weekend in the apartment. We watched movies, played games and talked and joked a lot. It was wonderful. Charlie doted on the children and me. It was perfect. I felt happy again. It was Charlie who took the children back on Sunday night.

Lyle came by before Charlie had gotten back. Roxanne came to my room. She was now in the apartment everyday to see to all the chores. "I’m sorry to disturb you Miss but Mr. Crawford insists on waiting for Miss Von Steiben and talking to you. I’ve already told him that you are not well, but he won’t leave." She was clearly upset.

"It’s all right Roxanne, I’ll see him." She helped me get up and put a robe on. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and straightened out my hair. I went out to meet Lyle.

I stretched my hand out to greet him. "Hello Lyle."

He took my hand and kissed me on the cheek. "I was told that you were ill, are you feeling better?" He asked.

"I’m much better thank you," I replied. He still had my hand in his. I gradually pulled it away and I asked him to sit down. I sat on the opposite couch.

"What is exactly wrong with you my dear?" He asked with a smile. "Had a rough night with our dear Charlie?"

I looked up quickly into his eyes. "I had a small accident," I responded looking away.

"I see...." he said looked around and went to the point. "Well, since we are both Charlotte’s closest friends these days, I thought we should get to know each other better." I feigned a smile. "Charlotte and I go back a long way," he started saying. "We’ve known each other since we were both kids. We were always in trouble," he said laughing.

"What got you into trouble?" I asked. I was curious to know about Charlie. She was always so discreet about her life before me.

"We were always doing things we shouldn’t," he said.

"Like what?"

"Everything, because it was fun." He was looking at me very seriously. I wasn’t exactly sure what to say next. He must have seen the confusion in my expression. He started laughing. "I’m sorry, I always go for the dramatic," he said as he got up and walked behind me. He was standing behind the couch and started massaging my shoulders. "Here, this always helped Charlotte after a tennis match."

I started to get really nervous. "Lyle, I’m fine thanks, you don’t have to do that."

He could hear the trembling of my voice, but he did not stop. I felt my heart starting to pound in my chest. "Lyle, please!" I tried to get up but he pushed me back down.

"Just trust me," he whispered in my ear and kissed it.

"NO! Let go!" I yelled and at that moment Charlie walked in and she was furious.

"Get away from her!"

My face was flushed. She was next to him in a flash, pushed him away from me and started to strike him. Lyle grabbed her hands and she then kneed him in the groin and he went down with a thud.

Charlie looked in my direction. "Are you okay?"

I nodded. She walked to a phone and called for Steven to come up immediately. Lyle was still on the floor when he arrived. "Get this piece of shit out of here," Charlie said.

"Don’t think you can live like this forever CHARLIE!" He said to her.

She just stood there watching Steven take him away. "How long do you think this thing with her is going to last? This type of life is not for you!" and on that note, the elevator door closed.

Charlie walked over to me. "Did he hurt you?" she asked anxiously.

"No," I answered. "Charlie, what’s all this about?" I asked her. "Why was he so angry?"

She didn’t answer.

"Were you and Lyle involved or something?"

Still, she did not answer. She just kept looking at me. She got up and walked to the window and was looking out over the city. "I had another kind of life before I knew you," she said simply and nothing else. "Nothing before us is important." This attitude always upset me.

"Why won’t you tell me Charlie? What is it that you think I won’t understand?" I asked her.

"There is nothing to tell," she answered still looking out onto the city.

I got up and started walking towards her but on the way I felt pain and a groan escaped my lips. She turned and was next to me quickly. "You should be in bed." She had her arms around me and was helping me back to our room. She helped me into bed.

I reached for her hand and I said. "Trust me. Trust me, Charlie, I love you." There was a touch of pleading in my voice.

She looked me straight in the eyes as she replied, "There are things you wouldn’t understand." She started to go but I wouldn’t let go of her.

"I know you. There isn’t anything that you could have done that could be so horrible," I said to her.

She looked at me and I saw a touch of pain in her eyes. "Yes there is," and she left the room. I heard her out in the hallway, telling Roxanne to bring me some tea.

********

I woke up feeling better the next day. Charlie brought me breakfast in bed, smiling from ear to ear. Her hand reached out and caressed my face. "I have some errands to run will you be okay?" She asked and I nodded. "Do you want me to bring you anything?" I shook my head no. She started to leave and when she reached the door she turned around. "I’ve left instructions with security downstairs that Lyle is not to be allowed to come up," she informed me and walked out.

A few days later I got a call from Mark telling how busy he was and he hoped that I was feeling better. When Charlie picked up the children he had asked about me and she had told him I had not been feeling well.

Later that afternoon two dozen blue roses were delivered. They arrived when Charlie and I were sitting in the living room. Steven brought them up. "They are for you Miss Cole," he said.

I looked at Charlie and held out my hands to take them from him. I put them on the side table. "How did you know?" I asked her.

She looked at me and said, "I’m sorry, I didn’t send them."

I opened the card and I saw that they were from Mark. I smiled to myself.

"Who are they from?" She asked and when I looked up I could see that she was not pleased.

"They’re from Mark."

"What does the card say?"

I knew it would upset her but refusing would be worse. I looked at the card and read it to her. "With all the love and the magic of the old days -- Love Mark."

She was visibly upset. "Why are you encouraging him?"

Steven and Roxanne discreetly left the room. She was angry. "I don’t," I replied.

" He has been calling you. Why?" She was fuming.

"Are you spying on me?" I asked. Now I was angry.

"Why are you talking to him? What does he want?" She ignored my question.

"He just called to see if I was feeling better."

"Did you tell him? Did you?" She asked the same thing over and over.

I turned and was walking away from her. I wouldn’t take this. She grabbed my arm and pulled me around. "Did you tell him!!" She yelled.

"What did you want me to tell him Charlie? That I went into the hospital because you felt inadequate and you fucked me!!" I saw her hand rise and then I felt the blow across my face. I fell to the floor. I was disoriented for a few seconds and I looked up and saw Charlie standing above me. I saw her face go from anger to remorse. She looked like she was the one that had been hit. She turned around and ran out.

Steven came back into the room and helped me up. He took out his handkerchief and gave it to me. I looked at him and he pointed to his lip and mine. I wiped my lips and saw bloodstains on the handkerchief. Oh God, I was bleeding.

Tears started rolling down my face. I could see the pity in his eyes as he looked at me. Charlie came back into the room and Steven left without a word. She walked slowly towards me. She just stared and stood there, looking very confused. "I don’t know how to love anyone." She wouldn’t look at me in the eye. "I never had anyone to teach me. I was shipped from school to school. I never…stayed anywhere long enough for anyone to care for me. My mother…hated me. She told me so. That’s why after she died I tore up her rose garden. All I know is how to keep people away so they can’t hurt me." Now she looked into my eyes and hers were filled with tears as well. "I don’t want to lose you. You’re the only good thing in my life." She embraced me and my arms went up to hold her. She hung on to me and cried without consolation. She kissed my cheek, the side of my mouth and then she looked at my face for a sign. I just looked back in confusion.

I wasn’t sure how to handle this. The violence between us was beginning to scare me. I just didn’t know how Charlie would react anymore.

Before I could speak, she kissed me lightly. Her lips were wet with her tears. I could taste them. I could feel her need for me. She shook with emotion. Her mouth opened and beckoned. I hadn’t touched her or been touched for so long, that I gave in to my longing and I welcomed her kiss. She made love to me that night gently and with such tenderness. I tasted her tears and felt her passion. There was a need that she alone could fill inside me. She needed. She needed so much. And I gave myself to her.

Continued in Part 3